“How to be a Footballer” by Peter Crouch

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Fratton Park just two stops on the carousel of Peter Crouch’s football career.

For those of you interested in books by former employees of Pompey, this one may be worth a look. It is currently half-price in Waterstones (at at 12th September, 2018), representing a saving of £10 for a hardback copy. However, this is not a book review, just my excuse to write about Peter Crouch, a player I had great respect for during his two contracts at Pompey at Championship and Premier League levels.

Crouch was originally bought by Pompey from QPR for £1.5m in 2001. It was at QPR that he had first signed as a school boy before going to Spurs as youth player and then being sold back to QPR for £50,000.  This was the first inkling that he was a player happy to move back and forth between clubs if it meant he would get a game. He later returned to Pompey after a while at Aston Villa (sold there by Pompey for £5m in 2002); via a loan trip to Norwich; a transfer to the west Hampshire club now owned 80% by Gao Jisheng;  then Liverpool who paid £7m to sign him and then back to Fratton Park for £11m in 2008. Crouchy was then transferred for £10m to Spurs. Clearly a popular worker to have been welcomed back by so many former employers.

Is there any other top league player who has been able to dance between clubs with such agility? That he also had a spell at Chelsea as a ball boy, despite supporting QPR, suggests he gives a good interview.

My first memory of seeing Crouch playing was from 4th February 2000 in the 1-1 draw away at QPR. The young centre forward proved to be a challenge for the Pompey defence that afternoon and the QPR fans protested shrilly at the rough treatment their No 9  received  at the hands, knees and elbows of player-manager Steve Claridge’s team. Despite Crouch’s spindly frame and light-weight, there was something about the timing of his jumps and his ability to hold and lay the ball off that was impressive. He did very well in the first half and was unlucky not to score, but nodded the ball down to Paul Peschisolido for the early QPR goal. The other thing that impressed me that afternoon was that he actually finished the game, showing great determination and grit despite the battering he was getting.

In the second half, before or just after Lee Bradbury’s equaliser (I can’t remember precisely), there was a tangle of limbs and Crouch fell to the ground in a pile with Darren Moore. Both players were a little off balance, QPR fans howled for a penalty and became even more incensed as the massive frame of the centre-back Moore clambered to his feet, made a slight stumble and had to kneel on Crouch’s ribcage to return to standing. Needless to say Crouch didn’t move very far for a while.

I am pretty certain that Crouch lost his effectiveness in this game at that point, but the 19 year old soldiered on. The BBC match report mentions that Crouch was lucky not to get a red card for a late tackle towards the end of the game, likely the frustration of being bullied by Darren Moore for 90 minutes finally getting to him. However, the youngster stuck it out.

I did not previously know that Peter Crouch played for Dulwich Hamlet and IFK Hassellholm on loan when first at Spurs – at least in Sweden at 6’7″ he would have felt as if he was a normal height. Apparently he went on loan with Alton Therwell to Sweden as part of a £70,000 transfer arrangement for Jon Jonsson who was wanted by Spurs. I had never heard of Alton Therwell, nor Jon Jonsson before I researched this article, so Crouch has a head start on these two when writing a book called, “How to be a Footballer.”

Other memorable moments from the career of Peter Crouch that I recall are his scoring a last minute winning penalty against us in an outrageously badly refereed FA Cup game in west Hampshire, (when Matt Taylor was so unfairly penalised for the ball hitting the point of his shoulder); two extra time goals for Pompey in Portugal in the UEFA Cup group match to send us into the group stages and some spectacular overhead volleyed goals that demonstrated his agility and gift for scoring.  42 England caps and 22 international goals to add to 100 Premier League goals underline his credentials as a talented player. Crouchy has done well for himself and his multitudes of team-mates.

Born in January 1981 and still playing at Championship level with Stoke City in September 2018, Peter Crouch has given a good crack at a playing career. I am sure his second book will provide some unique insights to the work of a modern footballer. Peter Crouch has played at enough clubs to be able to give some sound advice about how to progress in this line of employment. HIs autobiography, “Walking Tall – My Story” was published in 2007 when he was at Liverpool. I wonder if he realised then he would still be playing 11 years later?

How to be a Footballer is published by Penguin Books

CLP  12/09/2018